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Gellert Grindelwald ([info]brightblackhole) wrote,
@ 2010-05-05 11:41:00

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The last thing Gellert remembered was this:

Albus, cheeks flushed, gasping for breath and moaning Gellert's name as he spilled himself deep within him. Kissing, as Albus slowly pulled himself out and fell to the bed at Gellert's side, reaching with one sweat-glazed arm to draw him closer. A brief debate, but it was four in the morning so Gellert had eventually agreed to stay the night, letting Albus curl up against him and whisper a Shakespearean good-night against his brow before they both drifted into sleep.

But when Gellert woke, the bed was cold. He shifted slowly, his hand creeping out to the side to fall still on an empty pillow. His eyes flew open and then he was immediately sitting upright, gaze flickering about the room to take in his abruptly altered surroundings. This...this was not Albus's bedroom. He was lying in a bed in the center of a large, finely-decorated chamber, daylight gleaming in through the open window, a slight breeze playing with the ends of Gellert's hair. It was nothing he recognised, no room in which he could ever recall having been before.

There was no pause for fear. Gellert's thoughts had leapt almost instantly to a more rational plane, though adrenaline still simmered through his veins. There was no doubt to the fact that, as Gellert had done no spell that could have displaced him mid-slumber, he must have been brought here by some external force. Whether that force was malevolent or benign could not yet be determined. And until Gellert had evidence to suggest contrarily, he would assume the former.

Gellert's gaze, sharply narrow, fell upon a stack of clothes neatly folded on an armchair near the hearth, a pair of shoes and socks at their side. After casting a quick wandless spell to determine the safety of the floor, Gellert slipped out of bed and padded across the cold hardwood to the chair. The clothes were new, but they looked and felt expensive, and were in the precise style that Gellert would have chosen for himself. He was immeasurably relieved to find his wand in its sheath at the bottom of the pile, next to a pair of burgundy braces. Skilled though he was without one, to have his wand provided to him seemed to imply that there was no malignancy in his presence here. (Unless there was, and his captor merely wished for a fair fight.)

Gellert dressed swiftly, the clothes fitting as if they had been perfectly tailored to his form. His wand, he unsheathed and held aloft, completely prepared to face anything that might be on the other side of the bedroom door as he turned the handle and yanked it roughly open.

But the corridor outside was empty--nothing but lushly-carpeted floor stretching out before him, and a few closed doors leading off to the sides. Looking into those rooms revealed a rather expansive bath and a library to rival that of Durmstrang. Gellert swore to return to the latter when he was finished exploring the rest of the house, but learning as much as he could about his environment was his first imperative.

The corridor ended on a landing, out from which spread several other hallways and a few open alcoves against tall windows looking out on the grounds. A magnificent spiraling staircase continued both up and downstairs, carved of mahogany with intricate etchings marked on the handrails. Gellert tested it with his wand as well before descending, fingers trailing along the rail as he passed a second landing, to finally step out into the foyer on the ground floor.

It was becoming increasingly apparent that this was a very large house indeed, probably belonging to one of the wealthier English pureblood families. Its style implied that it was constructed during the Regency period or perhaps even earlier--Gellert had never been too educated on the architectural variation in English history. For it was clearly England that Gellert had glimpsed outside of the windows, England with its sprawling meadows and distant treelines.

So. A very large, very rich house. Or perhaps a prison.

Gellert crossed the foyer slowly, on alert for anyone or anything that might leap out and tell him that he could not--was not allowed--to leave. But there was only the silence of an empty mansion. Gellert grasped the door's handle and pushed. It was heavy, and took most of his strength--the thing was solid oak, all the way through--but it did open. Gellert stepped out into the glaring sunlight of a summer morning, onto the sprawling marble front steps of what was--Gellert glanced behind, and up at the towering stone walls--apparently not just a mansion, but a manor.

There was no magical shield blocking him as he clattered down the steps and onto the front path, which extended out before him, headed toward the distant wood. Gellert thought he could just barely see the outline of an iron gate. To his right, about a quarter of a kilometre away, a lake glimmered, the green grass of the field reflected in its silvery surface. To his left there was a smaller gravel path leading into what looked to be an elegantly-landscaped garden.

Gellert went left for no reason other than the fact that a garden meant gardeners, and groundskeepers--anyone who might be able to tell him where he was, what he was doing here, where Albus was, and when or if he could expect to leave.


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[info]exceptemptation
2010-05-14 01:42 am UTC (link)
As Albus pulled himself from the Pensive, the scene of nervous students scurrying around the potions classroom melted away. The results were hardly surprising. Young Mr. Page had made the simple error of miscounting Doxy wings, and had not, as the potions professor suspected, maliciously contrived to disrupt the exam by nearly blowing up half the classroom. However, the moment the room about Albus took form, the wry curl to his lips flattened.

This was not his office. It only took a quick glance around to know that this was not Hogwarts, though that was more ascertained by the feel of the place. Some of the warded limitations felt similar, but several were missing, and several were different. He looked back to the Pensive only to find it still and vacant. His time as a professor at Hogwarts had been a different sort of education than his time there as a student. He had come to appreciate that the castle itself had a mind of its own sometimes, even apart from shifting staircases. Perhaps the school had come to the conclusion that he needed a holiday of some sort, or maybe this was, in some fashion, an extension of the school. Either way, there had to be some way to return.

Albus's inspection of the place was cursory. There was no Floo access beyond the grounds, no portraits containing anyone the least bit informative, and no actual people anywhere to be seen. The building itself was familiar enough in that it decidedly lacked a hint of exoticism, thought nothing specifically tugged at his memory as he moved through the corridors. He'd finally reached the ground level, and was nearly to contemplating other options for searching for the sprawling home's inhabitants when far-off motion caught his eye: a distant figure slipping into the gardens.

Excellent. And the weather was certainly fair enough to explain why no one would be inside. Albus quickly departed the house and headed in the direction of the gardens, making quick work of it. Tracking down his elusive company took a little longer, but he felt no pressing urgency that would have inclined him to shout. At last, he caught a bit of movement out of the corner of his eye and changed direction. As he rounded the bend, he felt and dismissed a wave of deja-vu that Albus had grown quite skilled at ignoring.

"Excuse me," he called, not needing his voice to travel too far.

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[info]brightblackhole
2010-05-16 03:25 am UTC (link)
The gardens seemed empty, but far from abandoned. Though Gellert caught sight of no gardeners or anyone who might be an inhabitant of the home, they were carefully manicured, elaborate in a way that could only be managed by the very attentive care of a master groundskeeper. Gellert trailed his hand through the lavender petal-fall of a wisteria, stepping onto a smaller dirt path, his attention caught by the orange glow of some begonias in the distance.

And then someone spoke.

Though he knew the manor must not be empty, Gellert had been growing increasingly certain that he was not going to encounter another person anytime soon. Though not startling, the voice was still unexpected--and held an oddly familiar tone that Gellert could not quite place. He glanced over his shoulder, twisting his body just enough to look at the speaker: a man perhaps in his late thirties with short hair that was probably auburn indoors, but in the sunlight held an entirely brighter hue. Gellert was struck with a sudden sense of unease, as though something about the world had very abruptly been tilted off-balance.

"Good afternoon," he said, settling a polite smile across his lips and turning about fully to face the man, his hands finding their way to clasp behind his back. He let his wand slip a little down his sleeve, closer to his grasp. It was best to be careful, especially in a situation like this, with so many variables unknown. "Do you live here?" For he was certainly not a servant--not with those expensive clothes. Clothes that hinted not only at means but also at indulgence, judging by the hints of unnecessary decadence in his embroidered waistcoat. (Not, of course, that Gellert did not fully appreciate--and encourage--unnecessary decadence.)

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[info]exceptemptation
2010-05-18 07:44 am UTC (link)
This had stopped years ago. He no longer saw Gellert's atavistic features threaded through crowded rooms. He no longer heard the perfect pitch and soft vowels floating on the air just around the corner in the corridors. Apart from the continental press, the only place Albus was haunted by Gellert was in his dreams- but they never started like this. And they never involved a disparity in their ages beyond that which had occurred naturally.

He wasn't dreaming. He felt far too certain of that. But a Pensive could be a curious, sometimes dangerous thing, and their unconventional uses increased in direct correlation with the strength of the wizard using it. Precisely what Albus had landed himself into was incredibly difficult to say. Actually, everything was difficult to say. Speech, in fact, failed him utterly for a moment. Because Gellert looked so young. Albus could still see the sixteen year old boy in the current news photographs that made their was to England from Germany, but it was haunting, not striking- not like this. Not so young and radiant and seemingly preserved from so much that had gone wrong.

His heart thumped, slower but harder in his chest as Albus grew very still, his posture unconsciously drawing itself up as he swept and exploratory gaze over Gellert-who-ought-not-be-Gellert. That he did not seem to know Albus could be nothing, could be an act. But he could perceive no illusion, no glamour.

"Gellert," Albus said, unable to do anything but name him with a faint ring of expectation. Their location became completely secondary to the matter of his company. The back of his mind whirled to begin spinning together a handful of possible explanations, though all he could attentively focus on was trying to pin down exactly how old Gellert appeared to be.

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[info]brightblackhole
2010-05-19 02:07 am UTC (link)
The series of microexpressions that flickered across the man's face in those few brief seconds were too quick and varied for Gellert to make as much sense of them as he normally would. But a few things were clear: this man was as much of a stranger to this place as he himself was, he found something about Gellert familiar, and in a way--though Gellert was not sure if the valence was positive or negative, or how strong the effect may be--it upset him.

And then the man spoke, and Gellert was struck with a rush of recognition so sudden as to be nearly dizzying. It was in the way that Albus said his name, the barest lift in intonation toward the end of the word, the way he seemed to roll the 'r' the slightest bit...and most distinctively of all, the sheer intensity of a mere two syllables. As if he was affirming to himself Gellert's existence, the same way he sometimes said Gellert's name when they were alone, a private incredulity over the fact that Gellert had somehow been persuaded to give himself to him.

And Albus--he was so much older. That fact sent another burst of adrenaline searing through Gellert's veins. Because Albus...this Albus...he must be from the future. Their future. A future in which they had, together, overtaken this vulgar world and transformed it into something unalloyed and magnificent. The things he must know. The experiences they'd had, together, the discoveries they must have made.... It was impossible to comprehend without having some outlet, with the way the very thoughts seemed to summon an insurmountable energy that tore along the threads of his magic and begged for a release.

So Gellert closed the distance between them in a few short strides, grasping at Albus's shirt and the back of his neck, dragging him down to press their lips somewhat harshly together. The kiss was brief and relatively chaste but yet hard and rough and demanding, the product of too much passion and craving for the knowledge that Albus held of the (their) world in twenty-odd years.

"Albus," he said, no doubt lacing his tone. It was an affirmation. A declaration.

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[info]exceptemptation
2010-05-19 04:38 am UTC (link)
Maybe he was dreaming. The whole world seemed to slow as the space between them condensed and vanished. There were possible explanations, Time-Turners and such, that could account for Gellert being here like this. Because it was Gellert. Not an impostor or some charade. It was impossible to mistake Gellert, for the pulse of power that thrummed, latent, in his core, seeping into the air around him. And that, the feel of Gellert so very close to him after so many years overwhelmed him entirely before they even got to kissing.

The explosion of his thoughts (because where were they? How old was Gellert? What did he remember? And what to tell him? And did he have to? And where were they?) were buried under the wave of Gellert's grasp and the sear of his lips. And then something in him plummeted, because it had been bad enough when Gellert was only a couple of years younger and now decades sprawled between them. But the morality of it couldn't trump the fact that in some way, it wasn't real. And it wasn't going to be any more than this, this innocent little kiss.

Relief and a longing that Albus had spent years sedating tumbled together when Gellert pulled back. His tongue dampened his lips, or tried to compel his senses to register something other than the phantom heat of Gellert's mouth. Gently, he took a step back, looking around the gardens that yielded no further sign of human life.

"What is this place?" he asked, hoping that Gellert might know. It was possible, somehow, that this was Gellert's doing. That Gellert had found something, some place, some spell, and had intended to summon Albus's contemporary counterpart instead of him as he was. Unlikely, but possible.

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[info]brightblackhole
2010-05-19 05:24 am UTC (link)
The question of this place--what it was, how it functioned, why they had been brought here--seemed hugely irrelevant in comparison to the question of what had happened in the decades since Gellert's knowledge. Surely the tales of all that had occurred in a span of twenty years was enough to lay claim to days of conversation.

"I don't know," Gellert said, keen to address the matter as concisely as possible and progress to what he thought to be the more salient subject. "I woke up in a bedchamber here but an hour ago, and I had not encountered anyone until you."

He reached out, taking Albus's hand and tugging him in the direction of the manor before breaking contact once more. Even if Gellert had not yet seen any servants or landlords did not mean they were not present. And as there was no way of telling if this place existed in his time or Albus's or some other, there was similarly no way to estimate what a response might be to such a display of affection between two men...especially given the apparent age disparity. A disparity that Gellert could not find it within himself to despise.

"Tell me," he said, immediately turning the conversation toward the proper focus as they walked back down the path toward the manor, "what year are you from?" An arched brow. "And how is it?"

No need to specify further; Albus would, of course, know precisely what Gellert meant.

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[info]exceptemptation
2010-05-20 05:37 am UTC (link)
It was absurd, how easy it was to simply pretend that none of it had ever happened. Because for Gellert, surely it hadn't, not yet. Had Gellert any knowledge of his departure from Godric's Hollow or the circumstances, surely he wouldn't behave like... this. And other things were missing, like the faint tugging of threads of his own magic in Gellert. This was the Gellert Albus loved perfectly, with a love that wasn't tangled and trapped by obligation and injury.

Something like guilt unfurled within him over how easily, how casually Gellert could reach out and touch him. In a few short moments it had been more physical contact than Albus had shared with another person in over a decade. There was small consolation in the fact that it wasn't just the history between them, it was the history that divided them; it hadn't been unthinkably drastic when Albus had been only a little older, but now he had students Gellert's age. The fact that all he could think about was sinking his hands into Gellert's hair as he moved to follow could not possibly be good. At least with a bit of distance his thoughts became a bit clearer.

"1917," Albus said after a moment's hesitation. The rest of Gellert's question was decidedly more difficult to answer. It wasn't right to hold this Gellert responsible for things he had not yet done. And how could he possibly tell Gellert, tell this Gellert, that the few short months they'd shared looked so small and felt so large against the years they'd spent completely estranged.

"It can be a dangerous thing, to know too much of the future before it comes to pass," he said carefully. Even as the words left him, Albus realised he'd been spending the past few minutes trying to sort out a way to warn Gellert, to stop him, to compel him to take some other course of action short of simply encouraging him to abduct Albus's teen-aged self and leave for the continent immediately. Not thinking that Gellert would read too much into the idea that Albus would be able to pin his age down to the year, Albus asked, "What part of the summer are you from?"

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[info]brightblackhole
2010-05-20 06:38 am UTC (link)
"It's nearly late July now," Gellert said, answering swiftly enough, glancing back over his shoulder at Albus and slowing his pace so that the now much-older man could walk alongside him. Gellert's thoughts had already latched too securely onto Albus's earlier words to much examine the implications of the fact that Albus seemed capable of tracing his origin to such a specific moment in time, though some small part of his mind was turning the situation over...trying to decide what it was, precisely, that seemed to be making Gellert feel as though something was not quite right. What besides their location, and the gap between their ages and times, of course.

Gellert only managed a few more steps before finally impatience won out over acknowledgment of the rationality of Albus's words and he halted, spinning about to face Albus fully. "Don't use that line on me, of all people," he said, his words harsher than they had been but moments before. "I can handle knowledge of the future in an appropriate manner, I should think. And you know that."

It rubbed against something raw and irritated, for Albus to fall back on the sort of words and tone that Gellert imagined he might have used with his brother--Aberforth, who was too common and too overeager, whose understanding of things greater than himself and the small village in which he lived was essentially zero. It was a tone one might use to avoid explaining complex ideas to someone too stupid to understand.

Or too young.

"Tell me," Gellert demanded.

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[info]exceptemptation
2010-05-20 09:08 am UTC (link)
On anyone else, it would have worn as petulant. As in so many things, however, Gellert's expectations weren't an excess or an indulgence, they were merited. The arrogant inflated themselves and the falsely humble degraded themselves, but Gellert was every bit as brilliant as he believed himself to be. Somehow, Albus had forgotten how accessible he was to Gellert. Or perhaps it was simply all the more jarring compared to the world he knew now. With age and further accomplishment, the world had grown increasingly distant.

Albus had stopped the moment Gellert rounded on him, hearing an echo that resonated, no matter how pale it was. Something sharp. It was natural, he supposed, for his thoughts to drift back to that day, to the last time he'd seen Gellert, been in his presence, and spoken to him. It was natural, when this Gellert looked so nearly identical to the one in his head standing over Ariana's body. It was a memory that dampened out all the rest. How strange it could be, when one so singular emotional state could induce such a calm in his exterior.

"It's two decades, Gellert," Albus pointed out- which would have been a valid point, even if he hadn't been trying to evade. "And it's complicated. I need a moment or two to sort out where to begin."

Except that wasn't quite true, and he didn't know how much he truly expected Gellert to believe it. He knew where he had to begin. Because he couldn't lie, he couldn't just pretend, and he couldn't stand to fabricate what he wished had happened, how he wished the world was. He knew that Gellert wouldn't relent, and he knew what he had to Gellert- but just a few more moments of ignorance wasn't too much to ask. It was all just too close to something he could barely admit that he longed for, even if only one of them had been taken back to a time before Ariana's death. The more he wanted to hold the inevitability at bay, the larger it seemed to loom. Just a little more time was all he wanted, just once more to have Gellert's lips against his own without this... thing between them.

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[info]brightblackhole
2010-05-20 03:46 pm UTC (link)
The sense that something was not quite as it ought to be was growing increasingly strong in the pit of Gellert's stomach--a certainty that Albus was not merely thinking, but evading. Intentionally attempting to avoid answering Gellert's question. And the implications of that were significant. What could be so life-altering that Albus would feel compelled to try to trick Gellert? Something that Albus must find truly terrible, or something of which he knew that Gellert would strongly disapprove.

The possibilities sprawled endless through Gellert's mind. Gellert had died. Their regime had been overthrown. Albus had pursued a different calling. Albus had found someone else.

"Which is it, Albus?" Gellert said, the irritation that laced his tone making his every word sharp and barbed. "You do not think that I should know too much of my own future, or you are struggling to know where to begin?"

Legilimency was so very rarely necessary, Gellert found, if one could read voices and the miniscule expressions that could flicker across a face in the span of but a second. And he always--always--knew when he was being lied to.

"If it is the latter--please. Take a moment. I can wait." Gellert's smile was thin and brittle as he slipped his hands into his pockets and fell back into a casual, expectant posture.

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[info]exceptemptation
2010-05-20 08:47 pm UTC (link)
It was completely natural, Albus's reluctance to discuss it- not just for what it meant, but because the irrational desire to interrogate Gellert was made no less alluring by its absurdity. This Gellert wouldn't know why he'd never written, why he'd left without so much as a word, how Gellert could go off with his life and their plans and never look back. Part of Albus wanted to rile at Gellert's annoyance, to point out that the only way to make certain that the things he said wouldn't tamper with the natural flow of events was to take his time and carefully choose both his words and what he revealed- that they were not mere trifles, the details he was trying to sort.

Had Albus any hope that Gellert might yield, might do anything but push and press, he might have tried to assert the judgement others trusted so readily and so easily. Albus wasn't entirely certain if his reluctance to deceive was bound to a low expectation for success, or the way Gellert still made him feel, or the fact that if he didn't tell this Gellert then it could not be prevented. So, if Gellert was so entirely certain that he wished to know the truth, then so be it.

"You killed my sister," he said, the words an impassive sort of stone.

There was nothing for it- that was where it had to start. But that did not mean Albus had to enjoy the conversation. Or wish to have it in the middle of a lawn. Stepping around Gellert, he continued toward the house, loathing even more the truth that would follow: that after such an offense, Gellert had left him.

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[info]brightblackhole
2010-05-21 03:18 am UTC (link)
For a moment, Gellert was unable to move. Unable to do anything but stand there, staring at Albus, his every attempt at controlling his expression an exercise in futility. It was so unexpected that Gellert found he could not quite fully process it. He could think of no situation in which he would have felt compelled to kill Ariana. She was utterly harmless. Had it been Albus's brother, had it been Aberforth, perhaps Gellert could have better understood his own motivation. Perhaps Albus would not have seemed quite as suddenly distant.

What was it, then? Had Ariana proved herself to be too much of an obstacle to Albus's future? Had Gellert somehow failed to make it look like another one of her accidents?

Gellert's mind finally seemed to reconnect with his boy and he spun about, chasing after Albus, who had already nearly reached the manor steps. "How?" he said, his voice catching slightly in the back of his throat. Because he had to know. Because this...this information...it summoned a whole host of potiential outcomes that Gellert had never before considered.

It all seemed to be fitting itself together--the disjointed puzzle pieces of the future, Albus's reaction upon seeing him, his reluctance to betray what would come to pass, even his knowledge of the exact span of time from whence Gellert came. And the latter was the most horrifying of all. That Albus might be able to narrow Gellert's origin down to a period of just a few months. Because at the end of those months, Ariana had died. Gellert had killed her. And then Albus, perhaps, had refused to ever speak to him again....

"What happened?" It was meant to be a question but nevertheless it came out as more of a command. Gellert's mind still reeled too wildly, still struggled to overcome the harsh, hot sensation rising in his stomach, a feeling altogether too much like nausea. Albus had left him. Left him. It seemed impossible, but.... Gellert blinked, forcing his eyes to focus a little closer on Albus's face, trying to seek out any tiny detail that might tell as to Albus's sentiments now, after so many years had passed.

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[info]exceptemptation
2010-05-21 01:11 pm UTC (link)
If only it were satisfying, the shock in Gellert. And maybe it was, maybe it did give some part of Albus pause to think that Gellert found some aspect of it unthinkable. Of course Albus knew that Gellert's hadn't set out to do it. In fact, in terms of tracing cause, some of the burden lay at Aberforth's feet for starting the fight in the first place. At least, most of the time it had been Aberforth. Looking back, over the months and then years of Aberforth's silence that rang parallel with Gellert's, it became more difficult to turn a blind eye to the fact that Albus had ignored it when Gellert had subtly provoked Aberforth. It was far easier for Aberforth to be volatile and unreasonable, and for Gellert to just be... too clever, too charming-- and too much of the way Albus would have been with Aberforth had he not felt so heavily guilty over being so much smarter than his brother.

"Aberforth- you and he entered an argument. It escalated, came to wands. I doubt Ariana understood what she was walking into. And I realise that it was likely not your intent to kill her," he added, making that particular point almost sternly. He did, after all, know an accident when he saw one. But that wasn't absolving. It didn't excuse the types of magic Gellert had been using, or the fact that if they had achieved their intended purpose, that it would have been his brother they'd have had to lay into the ground.

"I attempted to intercede. And it was as if you couldn't even hear me," and the softness of the words couldn't eradicate their bitter edge as he was unable to wholly put aside the image of Gellert, so coldly indifferent, so completely enthralled with what he was doing that he couldn't bring himself to listen to Albus when he'd been begging. Clearing his throat faintly, Albus pushed on. "And then you left me. The house. England. You went back to the continent."

And yet, Albus was unwilling to let go of the consolation that it was Gellert's guilt that kept him away. Guilt was easier to stomach than the idea that Gellert had never truly felt anything for him. That it still mattered, that he still felt the pull of his love for Gellert had never been able to summon proper guilt in Albus; he was too well practiced in the policy of continuing to care for people who ended the lives of his loved ones.

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[info]brightblackhole
2010-05-22 02:07 am UTC (link)
Gellert's heart beat just a little too fast, and at Albus's final words he could feel his pulse stutter. None of it made sense. He knew why he must have left, of course--he'd had no other choice, it was leave the country or, with his record, be arrested--but to not bring Albus with him? To not have at the very least sent a letter, inquiring as to whether Albus intended to join him on the Continent after the funeral? That hinted at something deeper. Something darker. Gellert only wished he knew what. Perhaps Albus had been too infuriated for it to be reasonable to presume that Gellert would ever be forgiven. Perhaps Albus had turned his wand to Gellert once Ariana laid dead on the floor and attempted to make him feel some measure of his own pain.

Perhaps Gellert had revealed too much of his true self, in that moment, for Albus to handle.

It was a very real possibility, and Gellert thoroughly expected that no matter what he said to the contrary, Albus's professed love did know at least some bounds. There were parts of Gellert that his own parents could not bear to love once they had been exposed--parents, who had known him his entire life and had been socialised to think they were obligated to love their only surviving son. Albus's love had not been existence for nearly as long as theirs had by the time it was shattered; after only two months, it would still have been remarkably fragile. Gellert had been too impulsive. Too enslaved to his anger, his passion, and his needs.

Gellert almost accused Albus of lying to him. But instead all that came out was a soft little breath, catching on his vocal cords but not quite managing to form any words.

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[info]exceptemptation
2010-05-23 06:19 am UTC (link)
Speechless exceeded Albus's expectations for Gellert's response, though it wasn't quite surprising. There was a natural sort of oddity, of course, to any situation that would strip Gellert's gilded tongue so effectively, but Albus could only vaguely envision what his own reaction would be to such news if he were in Gellert's situation. And there, pinpricks of guilt began to nag at him.

What had been comforting a moment before in seeing Gellert jolted into the gravity of the situation began to dissolve in the stretch of Gellert's silence. Something to it all had to be unthinkable to him, and Albus wasn't entirely sure he trusted himself to sort out which part. But he didn't want to distress Gellert, didn't want to take out his frustrations on this Gellert when strictly speaking, he hadn't done anything. Oh, there were practical reasons for wanting shock, reasons beyond a desire for accuracy for wanting it to seem nightmarish. However, none of them compelled him to enjoy the prospect of wounding the other.

Albus drew a slow breath and let it out ever slower. "A little patience, Gellert," he said, half entreating and half apologetic. "It's been so long, and to have you here..." as if nothing wrong had ever happened, kissing me and touching me-- "I will need a few moments to adjust."

Even it was easy enough to slip into a sort of frankness he'd never found with anyone else. Turning back to resume the progression inside, Albus found himself hoping that those few moments might pass in silence so he could find his internal bearings.

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[info]brightblackhole
2010-05-23 05:27 pm UTC (link)
Gellert's pulse pounded in his ears, louder than the sound of birds from the garden, louder than Albus's own voice. But it hardly mattered what Albus was saying. The only relevant fact was that at some point, not to far in Gellert's future, all of this would come to an end. What he had hoped and planned for so long, the careful attention he had paid to his manipulations of Albus and every scheme they'd drawn up, together, the hours spent late at night talking about what it would be like when the whole world was in its place and they were its rightful leaders--spending their entire lives at each other's side, equals.

Gellert dashed up the front steps ahead of Albus, reaching the landing just a few seconds before him and then turning about as Albus climbed to the step just below him. Even with the difference in altitude, Albus was still taller than him--but at least the disparity was somewhat lessened.

Gellert did not hesitate for even a moment before simply falling forward against Albus, hands grasping at the back of his shirt, pressing his head against Albus's neck. There was no moderating the way anger twisted alongside the rest of the emotions in the pit of his stomach, and it was a few seconds before Gellert finally drew back, his face hardened into something cold even as his eyes glittered hot.

"I cannot believe you let me leave," he snapped. "I must have been waiting for you to come after me. For years. Waiting for you to tell me that you had forgiven me, and that you still found what we planned to do important."

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[info]exceptemptation
2010-05-24 01:48 am UTC (link)
It was startling, the sudden return to such closeness with Gellert, and it set off too many feelings at once beneath the calm of Albus's exterior. His hands wanted to lift, either to wrap themselves around Gellert's sides or to push him away, but they remained motionless. Despite the great temptation to rock his cheek against Gellert's head, he couldn't. He couldn't simply discard and ignore the past. He couldn't unwrite everything and he couldn't give up the ways he'd found to endure so quickly- he simply wasn't strong enough for it.

Albus didn't want to do this, not right now, not when his mind was still spinning. But he couldn't find the words to put the issue to rest, and couldn't bear to let that particular charge let stand- and it was in things like this that Albus had learned to see the danger in love, because Gellert had the unique pull to incline Albus to do the things he wished to do instead of the things he ought to do. And perhaps he simply trusted Gellert too much, in spite of everything; trusted him to hold his own, trusted him to handle truth.

"You left without a word to me," he returned, his voice low; warning in steadiness. Although not rushed, his words clipped out at a brisk pace, "I went over to Bathilda's after spending hours cleaning up your mess, and you were gone. No note, no word, no message, no indication of any kind that you ever truly cared for me."

And that, on top of everything else, had been the worst of it, the last of it, and the final straw. Tending to his sister's body, preserving Aberforth's sanity and preventing him from doing something irrevocably stupid, concealing from Aurors the fact that Gellert had even been in the house-- and Gellert had already been gone for hours. The numbness that followed lasted for days, through the funeral, for weeks and into months. Some sliver of it still remained, making a part of Albus's self wholly inaccessible to himself, and to anyone else.

Leaving the house, with Aberforth in such a state, had of course been appropriate. Giving Albus time to let his love and obligation to his family war with his love and devotion to Gellert had been necessary. But to leave? So entirely? Albus found he could not make himself understand it.

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[info]brightblackhole
2010-05-24 04:24 am UTC (link)
"But you know that I cared--care--for you." The distinction between then, now, and future was beginning to blur, and Gellert found himself struck by the urge to defend his future self with every bit of passion as he would have had he been Albus's own age, looking back on something that he had done rather than would do. Gellert clutched at the front of Albus's shirt more to prevent him from going anywhere than out of desire for intimacy.

And Gellert did care, in his own way. Perhaps not the way that Albus cared for him, or the way that was commonly imagined. But Albus was unlike any other. An impossibility made possible. Their equalities were endless, and their disparities balanced out perfectly. Maybe Gellert did not want to spend the rest of his life with Albus because he loved him, but he still wanted it. What was the difference, really, in the end? Gellert gave Albus what he wanted--most of it, anyway--and he was convincing enough for the rest that even what was lacking seemed present.

"I cannot keep apologising for my future self," Gellert said. "All I know is what I am now. How I feel now. And I would never want to leave you!"

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[info]exceptemptation
2010-05-24 06:26 am UTC (link)
Something in his chest felt like it tore with the last of Gellert's words.

"You don't have to," Albus said. It was rather unreasonable to try to hold the young man before him accountable for things he hadn't yet done. And apologising for things he feared he'd do- this was why time had to be dealt with carefully, why they needed to sort out where they were. Albus didn't want to find himself demanding some sort of explanation from this Gellert, one who could estimate and hypothesize and guess, but never know for certain why he'd gone on to do this or that- and chief among them, why hadn't ever written, why he'd never done anything to contact Albus, to apologise. Because no matter what this Gellert felt or thought, his Gellert had never showed any sign of remorse.

Shutting his eyes, Albus made a halfhearted attempt to pull away from Gellert's grasp. Because it cut at him, it stung at that numb part of him to hear Gellert say things like that. "Please, Gellert, you can't say things like that- this has to be temporary, and when you back to 1899, and I go back and you're still in Germany..." There were opportunities here, perhaps even the possibility of changing the past, but they-- he couldn't go pinning his hopes on that. Not if he wished to retain his sanity. Opening his eyes, he looked at Gellert with renewed reserve. "We need to understand where we are before we can address any of the rest."

And Merlin, he just needed time to think.

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[info]brightblackhole
2010-05-25 02:27 am UTC (link)
Gellert's chest felt too tight but he managed to swallow and, after a very extended pause, to nod. He could think of a thousand more things he wanted to say, each more persuasive than the last, but now was not the time. He had spent too much energy already, and anything else might drive Albus to the brink of frustration.

Still, it was a moment before he could compel himself to release Albus's shirt, trailing his fingers briefly along Albus's sides before letting his hands drop.

"Then perhaps we should find someone who might be of some use. Someone who lives here, perhaps--or works here. The interior and the gardens both seem to be kept up well enough."

Gellert finally turned and pushed open the door to the manor, holding it only a moment for Albus to catch the edge before stepping into the foyer.

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[info]exceptemptation
2010-06-07 01:04 pm UTC (link)
He tried to fight the sense of disappointment when Gellert relented. It would have been so much easier, if he were still the same boy, if the shadows of his world could still be banished by the vibrant light in Gellert's eyes. The back corner of his mind suggested that he could, if he wanted, indulge here-- insisted that it might even provide some element of closure, that perhaps he could less religiously follow continental news if he just pulled Gellert close again and found some unoccupied room of this curious house. But Albus knew himself well enough to see the danger in too wholly dividing this Gellert from the man- no, boy, he would be in what, a few weeks at the most?

Such thoughts came easier when the residual warmth of Gellert's brief touch faded. A soft but not wholly silent breath left Albus as some of the tension slipped from his body. It would be easier, he was certain, to react as little as possible to this little delirium, lest it leave too marked an impression when he returned to Hogwarts.

"That would probably be best," Albus said as he followed Gellert inside. There was no evidence of the sort of cyclical charms that would have rendered a staff unnecessary. A beat later, when Albus recalled that what was often pointless to say to others was easy to say to Gellert, Albus added, "I can perceive little about the house, and certainly no one of apparent significance. Before, I thought..." Well, before he had been foolish enough to suppose that Gellert was someone other than himself, and error that was close to laughable. He let the though trail off as he set to scanning the foyer for something that might summon... someone. Given the purpose of his search, he hardly found it strange to find his fingertips had settled on a thick velvet rope that hung along the wall next to the fireplace. Albus regarded it only for a moment before giving it an experimental tug.

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